CHESSNOID

High school reunions are those events where you kind of want to see how everyone is doing but don’t really want to go because you may not have done as well as you like in your chosen profession, or you may have put on some excess weight you aren’t proud of, or you aren’t married yet, or just a ton of other reasons that hold you back from going.  I would have to say family reunions can be similar except in my personal experience, most relatives don’t have that certain politeness of not criticizing.

I am from a Filipino culture and when I was growing up, I observed a certain competitiveness among relatives of how they were doing compared to each other.  I am not talking just about how much money do you make or how many houses do you own.  Those are your typical measures in life even strangers measure each other by.  I am talking about how your kids are doing, what type of grades did they get, how high did they graduate in their class, etc.  Also, when Filipinos are together whether they are related or not, they have a tendency to be openly critical of everyone.

I remember when I was a kid, the adults would tell me how bad my acne was by saying, “oh you should do this or do that to make your skin look better”.  Or when they saw how skinny I was, the adults would say “oh you are too skinny and should eat more so people won’t worry about you”. When you are a kid (especially a sensitive kid like I was) you really don’t want to hear advice from strangers when you didn’t ask for it.  This is doubly worse when they are your relatives because you will have to hear the same negativity when you see them again at the next family function.  What would make this worse is when the adults would repeat the same stuff to each other and the topic was all your personal traits.  “Did you see how bad his skin is or how skinny he is?”

I just went to another family reunion yesterday and because I am so much older now and happy with myself, I noticed that I was more comfortable and not really upset about any criticism I received.  Moreover, I was just happy to be alive and able to share this experience with them.  I even think my generation may have stopped the excessive advice to the “kids of what they need to do to be better in this or that so they could achieve this or that”.   Actually, I didn’t hear my brother or sisters or cousins pointing out improvements of what the kids needed  “to be better” or “to do to achieve their potential”.    I found myself just talking to them mostly about the old times when we were kids.

I even think maybe our generation grew up to be more positive or more sensitive than the previous generation in that we no longer have to give unwanted advice and be unintentionally cruel.  All the kids seemed to be pretty happy.  All the middle aged relatives (like me)  just seemed to be more grateful.  That’s the way it seemed to me, but then again, I could have just been an overly sensitive kid growing up.  Regardless, I am very happy I was able to see all my relatives again and truly grateful for all the blessings in my life.